Your child is sick. You know something isn’t right. You just don’t know what. You go to the doctor and he or she makes you feel like you are crazy or that your child is. But you KNOW that something is not right. Deep in your gut, you just KNOW.
So what do you do?
As a parent, watching your child suffer is one of the worst things you can experience. It’s even worse when you can’t seem to find help. One of the most important things I learned during my experience with our youngest daughter was to trust my intuition and not to give up. It may be hard when you are regularly being told there is nothing wrong but that doesn’t mean you should give up.
Instead go to your doctor’s appointments armed with questions. Of course, it is not ideal to go in to an appointment on the defensive, but having an idea of what you want to ask or information you would like to receive will definitely give you a leg up and let the doctor know to take you seriously.
Think about asking the following questions as you go to see a doctor for your child (or even yourself!). If these questions are not relevant, they may be a good guide to help you come up with more applicable ones.
1.What Would Cause My Child to Constantly Be Feeling Poorly or Getting Worse?
One thing I found frustrating while we were going through the first several years with my younger daughter’s health struggles was that she would get strep and then something on top of it. Sometimes strep wouldn’t even cause a sore throat, but other symptoms. There were times that once we thought the strep was under control, something more acute would appear.
I was constantly being told that this wasn’t unusual. But how could it be normal? Each time we went to the pediatrician’s office, I would ask why she kept getting sick. I would ask the doctor’s to explain why she would start with something relatively minor and then it would turn into something more.
I didn’t always get an answer. And sometimes, depending on which doctor in the office we saw, the question was not always responded to; other doctors in the office agreed but couldn’t give an answer.
And truthfully, I don’t think I expected them to be able to give me one. But, the point is, don’t give up. Push. The doctors who truly took the time to listen to me, to look at my daughter, didn’t necessarily disagree with my questions. It also got them thinking – and on occasion, I’d get a call from the doctor later with some additional information.
2. What tests are you running? What other tests can you run?
It’s important to be aware of the lab work a doctor is doing. It can give you a sense of what they are looking for as well as what they are not. If you have done some research on your own, ask the doctor why they aren’t screening for something that you think is a good idea. Ask the doctor what could be causing your child’s symptoms.
While Doctor Google can be dangerous, doing some online research can be helpful. Just be careful of going too far down the rabbit hole that you start to get anxious or concerned over something you have read. Especially if it is not a realistic possibility.
3. What Expectations Should We Have?
When meeting a new doctor, it is not unusual to have high hopes that the doctor will be able to make a diagnosis or come up with a treatment plan that will help. Unfortunately, many times those hopes can be dashed quickly. It’s important to manage expectations. One way to do that is simply by asking the doctor what you can (and should) expect from your visits to the office. You may also want to get a better sense of what will happen if the doctor is unable to help you.
It is also important to understand what expectations you should have for your child. What can you expect? What can your child expect? What is the long term prognosis? What about the short term?
Having a better understanding of what to expect may bring a bit less anxiety than you might otherwise feel. If not, it may at least provide you with a roadmap for the foreseeable future.
4. What is this Prescription For?
For many parents, making a decision to put your child on medication can be a difficult one, particularly if it is to address mental health issues. Don’t be afraid to ask the doctor why the medicine is being prescribed and if there are any side effects. It is also not a bad idea to ask if there are alternative medications or treatments.
With respect to side effects, it is always a good idea to ask the doctor:
- what side effects should you be looking for;
- what side effects are the most serious; and
- when should you call the doctor if they appear?
Additionally, you may want to ask if there any medications (over the counter or prescribed) or supplements that should not be taken with the new medication.
5. Do We Need to See Another Doctor?
It is human nature to accept an expert’s word without questioning. And that makes sense in most circumstances. However, when it comes to one’s health, taking that stance may not be the best way to go. Doctors go through a lot of training – but they are not experts in every area of medicine. Sometimes it may be necessary to see another specialist or obtain a second opinion. Don’t be afraid to ask for a referral or if a second opinion should be obtained.
If the doctor says no, trust your gut. It may be the difference between a diagnosis or no diagnosis.