Life with kids can be chaotic. Life as a working parent can be chaotic. Put those two things together and you may feel like you are running around like a chicken with your head cut off – never knowing which direction you are headed.
Living with three extremely busy teenage girls has given me a bit of perspective. It made me realize that finding a way to decrease the chaos for myself and the rest of the family where I could was a must. I used to joke that my goal was to “thrive amidst the chaos”. These days, however, I want to thrive without the chaos!
As I write this, we have been in the midst of the COVID-19 Pandemic for over a year. My family’s busy schedule has been quite a bit less busy. That said, life is slowly returning to some semblance of normalcy. This got me thinking. What steps can families take to utilize some of what we’ve learned in the last year and move forward?
1. Weekly Planning Meetings with the Whole Family
Prior to the Pandemic, our family, like many others, was busy non-stop. We were constantly going in opposite directions. With the girls’ activities, tournaments, and school events, life was, well, chaotic. On many occasions, we didn’t know the day’s plan until that morning. Realizing that we needed to get ahead of the week, one Sunday morning I told the girls and my husband that we would be having a family meeting that evening after dinner. Of course, the groans were loud.
But that night, each of us sat down at the kitchen table with our calendars and went through our schedules. With teens, I don’t always know what they have going on or where they expect us to take them. Because my high school student let us know her schedule, my husband and I were able to agree well in advance as to who was responsible for taking her and picking her up. For years, my youngest daughter’s nightly bedtime question has been, “What’s the plan for tomorrow?” With the weekly meeting, I was able to give a quick reminder, instead of the usual “I’m not sure.”
Obviously, nothing is set in stone and everyone needs to be flexible because schedules change. However, having a sense of what the week ahead looks like can help provide a bit of peace. The week may still be busy. It may still be hectic. But, knowing in advance where everyone needs to be and when as well who is responsible for what, can make all the difference in feeling like there is control over the schedule.
2. Planning a Dinner Meal Plan with the Family
Meal planning as a family is another great way to set yourself up for a successful week. It also provides an opportunity to spend time together. At the weekly planning meetings, go over the schedule for dinner. Because you know each person’s schedule, you know who will be home for dinner and who will need to eat earlier or later. What meals work best when the whole family will be eating together? What would work best for those eating a bit later? Is there a better night for take-out?
During the Pandemic, we found that dinners became even harder. Our girls complained that they were tired of eating the same things constantly. Since there was no need for the planning meetings, I suggested after a while, that we sit down and plan our dinners. Each family member had a say in the weekly dinner planning. We agreed on which nights we’d order out (we did not discuss what we’d order in advance). It made grocery shopping much easier that week, since I knew what I needed for each meal. Because the girls had been involved in the decisions of what we’d be eating, there was no reason for them to complain about what was for dinner. Dinner no longer became a nightly discussion between my husband and me.
While weekly meal planning may not be realistic every week, during the weeks that you are able to do it, it can make dinnertime less of hectic.
3. Color-Coded Calendars
As a parent, knowing who needs to be where and when is so important. We are managers, event planners, and personal assistants. Two years ago, I stopped using my online calendar as my sole source of keeping track of all that was going on. At the time, I had my work calendar and I had my Google calendar for personal items. Only if a personal event might conflict during the work day with a work event did it make it to my work calendar and vice versa. It was confusing. I decided to use a paper planner and did my research before buying one. I ordered different color markers to accompany the planner. Today, my planner is quite colorful. My personal items are one color, my professional items are another. Each child has their own color in my planner. I use black for “all family” items.
Color coding can be used even if you are using a calendar on your device as many calendar applications permit you to use different colors for scheduling purposes.
Using different colors for each family member has helped me take a quick look at my schedule and know what each family member has going on. I also find it is less stressful to look at the different colors and knowing that I don’t need to be at each item scheduled, even if the day is full. You may find it helpful as well.
4. Get the Kids Involved
Besides helping out with the family’s schedule and dinner planning, get your kids involved. Even as pre-schoolers, children are able to begin helping out around the house. Giving age-appropriate chores help teach the child responsibility as well as help out the family in general.
The jobs can be as big or as small as you are comfortable giving them. For example, my children are responsible for doing their own laundry, among other things. This works out really well for my middle daughter who stays on top of the clothes. It’s not so good for my other two girls, but they are learning that they need to wash their clothes or they won’t have anything to wear. It’s a good lesson for them and takes something off of my husband’s and my plates.
What are other ways that your kids can help make things easier for everyone and to help reduce the chaos in the house?
Finding ways to minimize the craziness in the household and to make things less hectic can help you create more balance and peace in your life.